Alone

Longing feels different here.

In this moment.
In this place.

I want someone to read this.
I want someone to hear this.
I want other people to carry this burden with and for me.

I know that’s unfair to ask.
But I don’t care.

I hate that.

I lack.
I lack the capacity to feign interest
Or concern.

When I hear about your breakup,
Or your kitchen remodel going too slowly,
I want to scream at you.

I want to scream at the world.

You told me it was right to leave.
Yet I sit here alone.
Crying in the car.
Wishing too go back to hell.

To be next to you.
To count to eight.
To walk on Water.

I don’t want to feel this.
I don’t want to feel alone in a room of people.
I don’t want to feel like every relationship goes one way.

Drive westward.

The rain drops fall.
There is no rhythm.
No red embers.

There is no place of solace.
No quiet solitude.

Nestled amongst the forest and ocean views.

I am so tired.
I am so exhausted.

The voices.
The noises.
The hugs.

All of it has disappeared.

I have vanished.