Another Friday

My brain is melting
It’s everywhere and nowhere.
It doesn’t belong.
Where is it?
And it can’t be where it belongs.
I don’t want to understand why someone would taste cold hard metal.
I don’t want to feel a kinship for walking away.
But I do.
I feel it all.
The hope and despair.
Wanting to know, wanting to forget
It’s everywhere and nowhere.
It doesn’t belong. Where it is. 
I want to write strongly worded letters to my villains.
But I’m not sure I know who they are anymore.
I want to scream and hold my breath.
I hate these complexities.
The dualities writhing inside of me.
I want time.
I want to forget you told me I’m weird.
I want to punch you in the face. And everybody else.
I think I also want to kiss you. I don’t want to kiss everybody else.
I was a coward.
But now I’m yearning for a place that will never be.
I wonder about you.
I hated you under the cool northern skies.
I think about you on the coastal southern waters.
My brain feels like a vestige of another life.
A time I’d soon forget if you’d let me.